mood : J - French Toast
earth : mojo, my crib.
before u read my post, I'm sorry for a bit of flaming words, zits thoughts, or improper things that pop out of my mind. Perhaps u'll find another me, that u never found it before,but hey it's still me, a person that came from outer space.
These days, I've been thinking lately about myself. Moody and under self pressure. This is about my life, not him,not hers, not them, not yours. I feel dead, restless, and old. I've been watched by some predators (from my point of view) and queuing to suck my blood. Honestly, I caught in between : reality, dreams, hope, and time. This is not about love or relationship or money, this is about what my eyes caught and what my heart believes.
I made several rules for my self and tryna to obey it. And now I have several questions that I even my self cannot answer it. I laughed for you and for others and now I'm laughing for the stupid causes/things I've laughed. I cannot cry nor ever dare to cry. I'm dancing in my mind, seems I have my own world.
I need someone that could save me from the drowning of myself thoughts. Drain, pain, dry, empty. Heal me from the untouchable heels.
It was colorful before, long time ago. Very long time ago and I cannot remember when.
I am happy for what I am, but I don't know if its temporary. I don't know if I'm really that happy. What's the purpose of life? to fulfill life with 'life', live a life.
I kept saying to myself, "Positive..be positive...cheer..cheer..mood on!"--repeatedly until I fell down. Is this what people say 'mature'? Am I?
I found a childlike trapped inside my body but somehow, I feel I'm a reincarnation from an old soul. I feel like I have been living from thousand years ago.
I was reading, Perahu Kayu by Dee. And I found Kugy a little bit looks like me. The way she has a dream and suddenly she realized that she has to be 'realistic', knocks me down. However, I know that I'll make it mine. Someday...
I make my own cave, I'll hide inside it. I dig my own grave, and no one could find me. I jump over the rainbow and blow the wind hideously. My alter ego covers me perfectly. As a perfect example of reflection, "You know what, tonight, what kind of mask should I go out wearing this time?" -- a piece of 'Nocturne' song by my favorite group : Epik High.
I end up my sentences. I hope, you guys wont be scared of me.
It is just me, who always confuse with the confusing things around me. There's no explanations, results or answers of these sentences/paragraphs. I'm writing what my mind pushes my hand to write about.
I'll leave you with my others favorite quotes/parts from 'Fallen Blossoms' song by Epik High,
" The enemies of my dream, are they breathing inside me? The more I go on, unbecoming of myself, I'm attentive to the world--like one's parents' hands that become embarrassing as you get older-- should I let the knot between dream and hand loosen and come undone? that can't happen"
Nenna.
ps : for next trip, I'll go to Medan. With (again) the hopes that I could erase my pain. Please, be cheerful, Inez.
Labels: moi
