mood : sakit - Ecoutezearth : still, my crib while eating chicken nuggets and crying.
I always heart Ecoutez a great band from Indonesia,my beloved country. Their songs are uber cool and great. Every song contributes a 'different' way that really reflects what I feel. Specially the songs from their second album. Kudos for 'em, huhuhu Ecoutez's songs seems know my daily stories...
I'm a typical of person who isn't easily to talk about my feeling with others (curhat) I cannot share what I feel with others, that was why I chose blogging/writing. And that was why people thought I'm an introvert or not an open minded person. In this case, every person has a 'unique' way to express their feelings. Writing is easier for me, even though every paragraphs I made has grammatical errors on it, I don't care. I'm not writing an essay or submit my blog to my english teacher. I write what I really want to write. If I care about grammars, I couldn't express the exact 'aura' what I felt that time. Got it?
This is crazy. My life becomes crazy every-each day I passed. It is hard to say that my life sucks now. I always praised that my life is almost perfect (before) : Lucky me, Alhamdulillah, I have a complete happy family, a cool mom and a trend-caster dad who never complains for what I do and what I've done / and always treats me like I'm his princess. A supportive big family from both Sumatra and Java ( I came from true Indonesia's cultures : Kalimantan - Sumatera - Melayu - Java - etc), lovely best friends, friends and schoolmates, a good living condition, and got a great quality of education. Well, I don't have a boythang (slang word for boyfriend ) now, but it's okay, I'll find someone who loves me true :)
BUT, now it turns little bit down.
Talking about the circle of life, there's a time when you are on the top or when you have to be patient because you are on the downside of life. And I'm in between...
Somehow, you'll find that your life is empty.
You are stuck in some situations but you don't know what to do. You have nothing to do. Yes, you have something to do like some daily activities or whatever...but, what goes in your mind is stuck or struck. Like something blocks your way.
I need a guide to lighten my path. It's so gloomy, grey, and fade away.
Perhaps, I should do more charity, contribute for the needed, and playing around with the kids. Or talk less do more, or smile a lot. I have to keep busy-ing and that's the thing that could fill my life. Colorless--is my life now.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhh I need help.
Dear life, please be good to me. Please Inez, please be cheerful like usual.
I am crying when I'm writing this.
I don't know what to do besides writing.
Maybe this is so over, dramatization, or more than you expected....
And lastly,
dear my friends, my life is on the ship right now. Rocking to the left, shaking to the right. I don't know when and where this ship will lie at anchor. Please be nice to me, please be kind to me. Sadly, I'm begging to you do not add another problems to me, another burden to me. Please don't be ever have a negative thoughts of me. When I said, everybody's changing--it doesn't mean its you. It's other people and the place surrounded. It also not bad, time goes by, time passes us, so when we grow up, we will grow up together with the upside-down of life. When you thought, I was mad.... I didn't mad with you. I am okay, I do really okay, I swear...but it's is so sad when we speak in silent. Another poof for the dust to sprinkle over. It's me, to be honest everybody changes, and so do I. So don't be afraid. I didn't start a war or put something on fire. I hate self thoughts without the facts behind it. I hate to be alone and I hate when something disappear slowly. I hate when something breaks the chain. Once again, I am okay with you guys. (smile).
I guess I have to stop in here before you read a whole page full of shitty words.
I'll be back in a short time, hope I'll come with a better 'energy' . Oh ya, I was sad when one of my muse ( a blogger) stop to blogging. I feel one of my spirits is gone away....dear a little girl Bini, I hope you'll continue blogging. I love your stories, the selection of your words, and the pictures. I want you back!!! and cheer up my day.
Love,
Nenna/ Inez.
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