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body issue
Tuesday, November 17, 200912:32 PM
mood : chu~ - f(x)earth : aigoo aigoohi!wth, my pinko vaio is dead now. It makes me dead too, I couldn't edit pics or upload pics to my blog. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! seriously, i'll take an advantage from my dad, he's offering a macbook for this design college thingy, i need a nu lappy now :'( . My life is over without lappy n internet connection--besides my ipod tho'. At first, i was hesitate to accept his offer about macbook because i felt bad (I was shopping tooooo much!) but i guess i need it NOW zzang zzing.anyway, i want to talk about body issue. ehm. i meant my body. physically.literally. blahblah-blahblah. Because I'm so pissed off n tired from ppl that complaining about their bodies. " I am too fat, my cheeks r chubbier, look at my belly, my legs blablabalabalaaaa"--that was I usually heard from my circles. Hello! look at me, am I perfect or hv a good lean body? nope at all. I'm too skinny. I was embarassed by my 'body' too. It's hard for me to find a right size when I about to choose clothes. I hv to find a 'nice' style for my body type, so I'll look a bit "gain weight".I was born as a chubby bunny baby. My weight at that time was 4 kg, pretty huge for an asian baby in George Uni Hospital hehe (as my mom said to me--well linos was 4.8kg!!). As the time passed by, from toddler until now-- I cannot gain weight eventho' I eat more than others do. I drink milk 3 to 4 times a day (as a result I get a good amount of calcium), I eat cheese everyday, I eat chocolate everynight before I go to sleep, I stack my refferigerator with fruits, I eat whenever n wherever I want....but still, it doesnt affect me much.I've been healed to some shaman (err dukun ya?), some helped from Appeton gain weight milk, Curcuma plus, some Chinese Herbals, Jamu2, etc n they were failed. Some ppl suggested me for doing some workouts, I'm an expert in Pilates thingy, I've tried Yoga, Running every morning and the results : none. I eat more than my friends. In Singapore, my friends call me 'cake girl' cuz they always saw me with a lunchbox with cakes or foods inside. I'm in love with vending machine and fancy restaurants. When my friends were order 1 main course, I was order 1 appetizer-1 main course- and 1 dessert. Nothing wrong with my habit right?Well, my heritages (from my mom's side) r skinny, except my mom. My mom was skinny--skinnier than me when I looked into her pics. One day, the doctors examed her n said she got hypertheroids (idk if i spelled it wrong or not). That was why, she was so skinny and sleepy. She was like a zombie. Until she forgot about her illness, she became gained some weights. And now she's a master of chubby bunny (a gigantic huge bunny) hehe. Me and my mom were afraid that I hv hypertheroid too. So we were going to doctor to get a medical check ups (regularly) and alhamdulillah, nothing wrong with me (malah kekurangan kadar gula di darah, I hate sweets...did i mention you about that?)....hmmm lil bit warning for my lungs (my dad n my friends r heavy smokers) but overall, I'm okay :)So Im really freakin dont know why I am so skinny. It's really depressing for being skinny (my weight now is 49-50 kg with 167cm/5,5 ft). When I hd holiday in Bali, a shellkeychain seller thought I hd HIV/AIDS!! cuz she was mesmerized on how skinny I was. I just silent but deep from my heart I was crying ;')Or wherever I go, ppl thought me i just recover/suffer from some serious illness. SICK! or ppl asked me am I anorexic or bulimia right in front of my face!I hv this crisis confidential about being me. When I was in middle school, some top rating show call 'Extravaganza' was so popular. Der was a funny actor named 'Aming' n he's reaaaaallyy ultra supraa skinny. My friends, my peers, and my circles were start calling me 'Aming' just for fun (even some teachers too!). They said, physically I was same as him (or my face looks like him), I was (and am) really okay with that cuz I thought Aming is funny and by saying that I look like him means they r really care with me.....but somehow, I got irritated with that. I was start to thinking that, "Am I really ugly? Am I really unattractive?Am I really that eeuw?"And in Highschool, some ppl kept saying 'Aming', 'Aming', and 'Aming' again and again. I was being a clown class then. I thought, being a clown class was a cool thing cuz everybody would start loving me as what I am. And, yes they love me--they always remember me as a cheerfull girl....but they dont kno what exactly happened inside my heart :'II moved to US, and surprisely I've changed a lot. My multi-ethnics friends were supportive and not objective. They see things from both sides. When I said I was super sad with my body type, they were not laugh at all. They kept cheering me that my body type is ok and nothing wrong with it. They even showed me some anorexic girls around my school that skinnier than me. The anorexic girls r tryin hard to be skinny as a white paper. And bless me, I am naturally skinny. I dont hv to think about diet, exercises, pills, vomit, etc. I could eat whatever I like. The perspective of my mind is changed. The 'postive' side of me was reborn. Whenever I walked around, sum talent scouters passed me his/hers business cards to me. From modelling, tv/comercialbreaks talents, agents, they even asked me for being a singer! haha (I kept all those cards for memories, or whenever I need a 'push points' when I'm down). Ohyaaa, my highschool even recommended me for join sum teen beauty peagent in LA hahaha, the beauty peagent organization sent me a beautiful letter for join that contest this year :) hahaha my aunty keeps that letter ;p but i'm not interested with that 'entertainment' thingy hahaha perhaps later :)I smile everyday, everymorning, everytime I walk around. I love to smile, even to ppl that I dont know or pass me by on d street (no wonder my friends always ask me, "Lo kenal sama dia? kok lo senyumin?kok gitu?" xp) I keep running my anti-diet programs (yes, eat more and more, balance diet, and healthy foods) until now, I know one day I'll have this ideal body hohoho. Being a new me also bring a new hope for me. So hi my friends, you and me r same, we r facing d same shit, same things thru our lives. Stop nagging about ur body blablabalbalablablaaaaaaa, rumput tetangga emg lebih hijau kok :) mungkin lo anggap dia cantik tp siapa tau dia anggap lo lebih cantik, aaargh i hope u got what i meant.And about Aming thingy?aaahhh i dont care lah what ppl said to me hihi. Aming is a cool person to hang out tho' (from his interviewed in media), i love his style (he's a fashion student tooo! ITB lagi yay!), outstanding style, a perfect actor (both comedian and real characters), perfect muse, and he has quirky atittude. So, if sum ppl say me = Aming, it means I am a good person to be :)Cheers!, Nenna.Labels: moi
over & done with
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